wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
