my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
