You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
