Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
