You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
