she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
