why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
