No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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