literally had 100 drinks last night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
