1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
