do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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