Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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