Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
