If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
