No stitches, just platelets and will power
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
