I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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