True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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