my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
