He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
