that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
