forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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