you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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