Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
