the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That's intense
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Randomize
