Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
