I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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