I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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