R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
