i think my tv is drunk
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My vagina is officially offended.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
