So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
