Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
