My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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