I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
