i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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