I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
