i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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