i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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