i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
