There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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