I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
