Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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