i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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