i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
