It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need moral support for this bender
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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