You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
