I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love having hate sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
