Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
