I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
