fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
