the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
