I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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