Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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